Governance Theater Presents: The Data Villains
Welcome back to Governance Theater.
The continued saga of The Data Villains, a tragicomedy in five acts.
Act IV: The Definition Dabbler
Motto: “Well, when we say ‘revenue,’ we mean gross, minus bad debt, unless it’s December…”
If the Report Hoarder guards their spreadsheets and the Governance Ghost disappears mid-project, the Definition Dabbler is something else entirely: ever-present, ever-enthusiastic – and constantly reinventing reality.
They love definitions.
They really love definitions.
They just never use the same one twice.
Scene Setup
You’re in the weekly KPI review. The finance lead presents “net revenue.” Marketing nods, until someone asks how it’s calculated.
Suddenly, the air thickens.
The definitions start multiplying like bunnies.
“Net revenue,” it turns out, means something slightly different in every department, dashboard, and slide deck.
Cue confusion.
Cue debate.
Cue a 45-minute detour into semantic limbo.
Everyone leaves the room believing they agreed, but on three different numbers.
Governance Challenge: Definition Drift
The Dabbler doesn’t mean to sabotage your metrics.
They’re just trying to adapt definitions to “what makes sense for the team.”
But every time a new version of “active customer” or “qualified lead” slips into circulation, alignment erodes.
Soon, KPIs stop being comparable across teams.
The dashboard isn’t wrong, it’s just unique.
This is how governance loses the plot – slowly, subtly, and semantically:
- Decisions misalign because metrics tell conflicting stories
- Trend lines break when calculations shift mid-year
- Executive trust erodes when “facts” don’t reconcile
Definition drift is death by a thousand footnotes.
Rewrite the Scene
We’re not here to silence the Dabbler – we’re here to channel their enthusiasm.
1. Build a Shared Glossary That’s Actually Enforced.
Make it visible, searchable, and living.
Bonus: Treat every definition like code, version it, review it, and retire old ones gracefully.
2. Stand Up a Data Definition Council.
Give the Dabbler a seat, not a soapbox.
Cross-functional review sessions transform personal interpretations into shared truths.
3. Introduce a Universal Semantic Layer.
Bake your agreed-upon logic into the analytics tools themselves.
No more “definition roulette” during presentations.
4. Incentivize Consistency Over Creativity.
Celebrate teams that adopt standardized KPIs.
Governance shouldn’t punish, it should incentivize clarity.
Curtain Call
The Definition Dabbler doesn’t need exile, they need structure.
They remind us that language is the foundation of governance.
Because before you can measure performance, you have to agree on what you’re measuring.
So give them a glossary worth believing in.
And next time someone asks, “What do we mean by revenue?” – everyone answers the same way.
Even in December.