Governance Theater Presents: The Data Villains
Welcome back to Governance Theater.
Tonight’s performance: The Data Villains, a tragicomedy in five acts.
Starring the characters that unintentionally sabotage your data strategy while earnestly believing they’re saving it.
Let’s be honest, governance isn’t just about frameworks and workflows.
It’s about people.
And some of those people… well, they make things “interesting.”
I present the rogues’ gallery.
These are the characters that lurk in the shadows of every data initiative.
Not malicious. Not evil. Just deeply committed to their own version of reality.
And if you don’t name the pattern, you’ll never change the plot.
In this series we will examine the usual suspects, and how to collaborate with them successfully.
We’ll meet the hoarders, the ghosts, the dabblers, and the saboteurs.
We’ll laugh as we cringe with recognition, and most importantly, we’ll learn how to transform these villains into heroes.
This isn’t fiction.
It’s the lived experience of every governance lead who’s ever tried to standardize a KPI, enforce a glossary, or sunset a rogue dashboard.
These aren’t enemies. They’re colleagues.
But they operate with unclear roles, legacy habits, and a flair for improvisation.
And if you don’t name the archetype, you’ll never rewrite the scene.
So grab your popcorn. Curtain up.
Let’s start with a classic.
Act I: The Report Hoarder
Role: The lone analyst with a spreadsheet empire
Motto: “Don’t touch my dashboard. It’s fine the way it is.”
This character enters stage left, clutching a USB drive and a coffee-stained printout of Q4_Final_FINAL_UseThisOne_V2.xlsx.
They’ve built their reporting kingdom over five years of nested formulas, conditional formatting, and sheer willpower.
And they guard it like a dragon hoarding gold.
They don’t trust centralized dashboards.
They don’t believe in shared definitions.
And they definitely don’t want your “governance framework” messing with their metrics.
Scene Dynamics
- Knowledge silos
- Fear of change
- Mystery metrics that no one else can decode
Their reports are technically accurate, but contextually opaque.
No lineage. No glossary. No shared logic.
Just vibes and pivot tables.
Rewrite the Scene
The goal isn’t to exile the hoarder; it’s to cast them in a better role.
The key isn’t confrontation, it’s translation
- Map their logic into shared semantic layers
- Offer stewardship titles that honor their expertise
- Build dashboards that reflect their insights, but scale across teams
Show them that standardization isn’t erasure, it’s elevation.
And maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop emailing spreadsheets at 2 a.m.
Next week: Act II – The Governance Ghost
The character who’s technically on the RACI chart but spiritually absent.
Spoiler: They haven’t touched the glossary since the kickoff meeting.